3 years later

emmaperepelkin
2 days ago
5 min read

Hi friends!

Ive been flip flopping the last few months if I should continue my blog posts or not as my other Instagram page @tbi_mama has been my main outlet lately. I've been sharing my recovery journey on there, meeting amazing new people in the brain injury community, doing interviews with foundations about being a first time mom with a brain injury, and just interacting with other people on there! It's so amazing to feel like I'm not alone, and to know my symptom flares are normal this long out. However after thinking about the blog, I've decided to keep it going. So here we go! 😊

First off I'll give you a bit of a life update, when I last left you guys, I had graduated all of my main therapies (VT & OT) and have just been living life again. Just to be clear, just because I graduated doesn't mean I'm back to normal. I still struggle with symptom flares but not as frequently! So that's been a huge win! I still do go to physio, massage & chiro as needed though. I've slowed down with the acupuncture as I feel like I hit a new baseline with processing my new life.

We've been so busy the last few months. Josh built me a beautiful garden so I can grow my flowers and put my energy into something for me. I've found a love for it, it's so rewarding watching all the beautiful blooms pop after starting them from seed, it kind of reminds me of my situation. Just because you feel stuck, doesn't mean you're not growing! And as you grow and heal, you end up turning into the beautiful new version of yourself. I also really enjoy making boquets and selling them at the end of the driveway, makes me happy to put smiles on peoples faces!

We've also put Ava into daycare twice a week (occasionally 3 whenever I need to) just so I get a bit of a cognitive break, help my mental health, so can focus on cleaning the house without distractions, or take a rest day if I need it and most importantly, so I can be my best self and be present with her when she is home!

She absolutely loves it, she's made so many friends and always has such a fun time! She's growing up to be such a sweet, sassy, smart girl!

I was getting SO fed up with my anger and irritation and always felt so bad for my family after I yelled at them. So I pulled up my big girl panties and I brought it to my doctor's attention. I wasn't going to, but I was to the point where I was convinced I needed anger management. He told me he was super proud of me for speaking up as most parents don't usually, and he referred me to the mental health clinic in town. It took a few weeks but after my initial meeting, the woman signed me up for the self regulation workshop they were putting on! It was a 4 week commitment, and I learnt a lot. It was a bit isolating as I was the only one in there struggling with the tbi/ parenting challenge. But I stuck it out and learnt a few tips! (I'll note them below) I also joined another workshop that a fellow tbi mama that I met on Instagram put on. She resonated with the whole mom rage aspect and always feeling irritated. She said my nervous system was not regulated (which I knew) and she told me her secret was just accepting and adapting on the days you need help. She told me that she used her loops for bedtime routine because that drove her nuts too. I told her that I felt really guilty for using ear plugs around my daughter. Like she's my baby, why should I need earplugs to drown out her voice? She validated my feelings, but also told me that In order for me to not feel guilty I need to just accept that I need the extra help some nights! I finally caved and tried it, and there hasn't been a fight at bedtime since! I guess the noise sensitivity at the end of the day was just the breaking point for me. I now use them a lot more frequently with a lot less guilt.

One shitty thing that I'm trying to figure out right now is my counsellor is stepping away from her practice. So it's left me to start looking for someone else! The mental health clinic told me to check out psychology today, it's a website that allows you to basically online shop for a therapist/clinical counsellor in your area (I'll link it at the end). I found someone that I thought suited my criteria, trained in trauma, grief, parenting, specializes in CBT and DBT and a few other things! When I started sharing my story and my current struggles, she basically told me that I'm going to traumatize my daughter by yelling at her and that I'm a bad mom. Like thanks, I already knew I needed help with this and was already feeling SO bad about my snappiness towards my toddler and my irritation, so I put on a brave face and searched for help. Only to have my worse fears validated. Her delivery was AWFUL. She didn't understand the brain injury side of things at all. Made me feel so bad. As I sat in my car on the verge of tears, I had a thought pop into my head. " reach out to acquired brain injury, maybe they have a recommendation or can point me in the right direction" so I did just that. They recommended this woman that actually has everything I'm looking for, and specifically works with tbi people and personally understands too because she's experienced brain injury. So I start with her tomorrow actually! ( I'll link her website at the bottom incase you're looking for something she offers!)

Our 3 year anniversary is coming up on the 25th of this month and I'm just blown away that it's 3 years already. Like 3 years ago I wasn't walking or moving my left hand, and here I am today running after a toddler, doing her hair in cute hairstyles, growing flowers and able to hangout with friends again, making new friends AND tolerating going camping (yes it's taken me a week to get back to baseline, but it was great in the moment)

Tips that I've learnt for regulating nervous system: