Okay so I have no idea how to blog. I've never done this and I've never read blogs in my life before, so lets give this the ol collage try...Also bare with me, my left hand is still getting used to typing. ANYWAY lets rewind to when it happened.
July 2022
I dont remember any of this because I was out cold laying in the grass on a bank. My husband came rushing to my side, he thought I was dead. I was foaming from the mouth and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. where we live there is like no service, so he dropped the 911 call a few times, the neighbours came running. He only knew 2 of the neighbours that came, the others we've never met. Thankfully one was a nurse and kind of took charge of the situation which helped calm him down. There was a few attempted calls to 911 but finally he manged to get through. One of the neigbours ripped up to my parents house to let them know what happened and they all showed up on scene. The ambulance was there and we were on route to Nelson all within 45 Minutes. The ambulance was flying. We got to nelson and there was 2 Obs waiting for us, a CT tech, a bunch of nurses and more doctors, they did a head CT and found the bleeds, Kelowna wanted a full body CT, and Vancouver Hospital autherized it. They wanted to transport me to Kelowna that night, but wouldnt let me be transported without the HEART Team. The HEART team came the next morning and we were on the move to the Castlegar airport by 8:30am , and was in Kelowna Hospital by 11am. The rest is a pretty big blur for everyone, I was in ICU for 10 days and then was moved up to recovery.
August 2022
I vaugly remember any of Kelowna, honestly, just the last 2 weeks I was there. At this point I guess I would have been 32 weeks pregnant, I remember having to be craned from my bed to another stretcher so I can be taken to another CT scan. Which I guess wasnt the first time. I belive there was 6 over all, I was craned because I still wasnt walking at this point and that means that yes, sadly I was in adult diapers. The hospital had physio coming in to work on helping me get up and stand and even try lift my left leg but it wouldnt budge. I was also getting 2 non stress tests a day to check on our little bean, which she was unscathed by the whole accident thank god. We were nearing the middle of August and at this point my husband had to go home and start getting ready for winter, as we were expecting a baby and he wasnt sure what the outcome would be, so he wanted to make sure the house was ready for the worst. So while he was away for a couple days and we face timed every morning. It was either the second or third day he was gone, and I called him wanting to show him I could stand, and mid facetime I managed to stand up, and instinct took over. I held on to my walker which hurt my collarbone but that was the last thing on my mind at the time. I walked from my bed to door which was quite the ways, nevermind for someone who hasnt walked for almost a month, but I did it, I re leanrt to walk that day. The plan was to have a schelduled C section in Kelowna at 38 weeks, and that was quickly approaching,Iwas terrified they wouldnt let me take our baby home because I was so broken. How could I lift her or hold her with a broken collarbone? So I was working really hard to get myself recovered enough to get transferred into rehab, during that time my mom and my sister treated me to a "spa" day at the hospital, they shaved my legs and arm pits, they filed off my previous gel polish manicure that was so out grown it was gross, and they painted my nails, gave me a face mask to put on and put on some relaxing music, it was literally the best thing ever and I really needed it. My parents would take me for daily wheels outside just to get me out of bed. I remember the first time I touched grass outside, I bawled my eyes out because I never thought id feel it again. It hit me hard that week too that we missed our baby shower that we planned. It was so sad because I feel like I was jipped the last month of pregnency. Anyway, the news came a couple days after that my hard work paid off, and that I would be getting transfered within the next couple of days. The day after they told me I was going to rehab, my husband, my parents and my sister packed up my room very quickly, and let me tell you there was lots of stuff that accumulated over the weeks up there. Then we said our goobyes and headed downstairs. I was in rehab for only a week, when I got down there the room they put me in had a roommate and our own bathroom. I was so excited about that fact, so I immediatly went and looked at my self in the mirror which I havent done for weeks before that. I saw how big my tummy had gotten and how much weight I lost, I cried because I didnt recognize myself. I was so excited to see how pregnant I was but I got sad because I missed out on the last trimester. They had physio come in once a day, and then I would go to OT sessions, I think I had one every day. They wanted me to still go to maternity to go get the non stress tests but it wasnt going to be as frequently as before. I think I had 2 more then went for a 36 week ultrasound. I got to see our baby girl! It was so wild seeing how big shes gotten. I was so glad she was okay. I was in rehab for just a week, I was walking better and trying to walk unassisted, I was slowly walking up and down stairs, with my dads help making sure I wouldnt fall backwards. So they told me the best therapy would be togo home and get ready for the baby we were about to have and adjust to the way life was now before we got thrown into being mom and dad.
September 2022
The first couple weeks at home flew by. We were getting all the last minute things we needed, and while I was in the hospital my mom went out and got some stuff we'd need like a diaper bag and diapers. My friends were so helpful, one set up a go fund me for my little family because this was super unexpected, and we werent prepared finacally, so we were so gateful and appreciative to everyone who donated. My other friend reached out to mamas for mamas Kelowna and they sent out a package with clothes and diapers and creams. She also went out of her way to get a collection of stuff together like a swing and an excersaucer that our girl would grow into, that she is currently obsessed with. We had so much love and support, this whole experiance opened our eyes to what was important in life. Family, friends, and the biggest one was to slow down and enjoy life. You only have one. ANYWAY! September 15th came friggen fast. we had one last non stress test, and one last ultrasound to make sure all was good before the big day, and then we had a Anesthesiologist appointment, just to go over what would happen in the C- section.that got moved to Nelson Hospital because we were home at that point. That was an extra scary appointment. Long story short, he said he was on the phone with the Vancouver Womans Center with a room full of doctors to find out which approach was best for my case. They said putting me right out would be bad for my blood pressure, but they said that if im not seeing any improvements in my condition, the spinal they give, could make my brain sink into my skull I guess? But not to repeat any scans because my last one showed improvement. So that made me feel great. The day of our surgery I woke up having a panic attack, not only was my baby getting an eviction notice that I wasnt ready for because I lost a month. But because I was undergoing big surgery. We drove as a family of 2 for the very last time. Driving at 4am it was still so dark, and with my brain injury it was just weird and hard to focus because everything was flying by so fast. Over stimulated was how I felt. The surgery went without a hitch, I was terrified that my left side of my body wouldnt work after the drugs wore off, so I was constantly trying to wiggle my toes to check. they werent moving because of the spinal drugs. but let me tell you they were the first things to move when the drugs wore off. It was so surreal to have our baby earth side after everything that happend. We spent a total of 3 nights/4 days because of blood pressure issues and they just wasnted to make sure everything with my brain was okay, which it was thankfully. Our first night home was AWFUL so many emtions, and we were so nervous and our little girl was just screaming, so over tired. It didnt help my milk wasnt fully in yet either. So we called our friend at 11pm and she was a nurse that worked maternity in the hospital but she also had a baby in May, so god bless her sweet soul she came over and stayed till 1:30am. She brought bottles, syringes and her bottle sterilizer, all things we had NO IDEA we'd need. She got us through the night she is the definition of an amazing friend.
October 2022
The next few weeks FLEW by, first off we got ENGAGED!! Ive been waiting for this day for forever, I get to marry my best friend, my biggest cheerleader. After everything we've been through and he still chose me. Makes me cry everytime I think about it. We got into a good habit and started going out for family walks, I didnt leave the house much other then that because A) we had a new born so we were very busy. B) Im still not driving so where could I go?. Our girl was so good to us, letting us get 4 hour sleep stretches. I remember at the hospital they told us she had to eat every 3 hours. And that if she was sleeping we had to wake her so she could eat. I would set alarms in the night to wake her up, at one point she just wanted to sleep so my husbands like lets just let her wake us up. I stopped the alarms and she would go on to then let us sleep 4 hour intervals. With a head injury they tell you sleep is important for recovery, so I was super happy about this. We learnt about baby gas this month. Our girl was and still is the definition of a gassy girl. She would keep us up till midnight screaming some nights, of course I didnt know what was wrong, so I would call my mom and she came and spent a few late nights at our place helping calm her down and to make sure we got some sleep. Im so thankful they live 2 minutes up the hill from us, her and my dad deserve the worlds best parents award for going through what they did and then being on call for night shift when we needed help. Breast feeding has been a whole other journey in itself, my left collarbone was still broken at this point so I was strictly pumping on the left and feeding off the right. It was hard but its what worked and made it less painful for me.
November 2022
Before we knew it our girl was 3 months old. Where is the time going? My husbands 30th birthday was in August, and he spent it in the hospital by my side. I felt so bad, I had a big thing planned before our accident happened. I wanted todo a river float and a bqq at our place with all of his closest friends, but unfortunatly that didnt get to happen. I planned a belated 30th dinner and fire at our place and all of his friends and our families showed up, it was such a great turn out. The best part was everyone was at home in bed and everything was cleaned up all by 10:30pm.
December 2022
The days and weeks feel like they are all combined at this point. Its wild how fast time flies when youre only leaving the house for physio and massage appointments, cant even go out for a walk because its been snowing and I didnt want to get hit by a plow truck. I could start seeing why they say depression and anxiety go hand in hand with TBIs because coping with the new reality is hard. The fact that I dont feel the same but look fine, the constant pain my body was in all the time, my baby was getting bigger and gaining weight and I went from not using my body for a month to now carrying around 10 pounds constantly all day, never mind the growth spurts shes going through and the fact that ive stopped napping during the day, shes awake for longer periods and needs her mama especially when shes hungry. (Which was often) So I had to do what was best for her and put my feelings on hold. Its hard to tell what is what with how I was feeling, theres so much going on with my body. Postpartum or TBI? I still to this day cant pin point it. This was babys first christmas, there was a worldwind of emotions. The fact we even made it to this point as a family, how close we came to not being here, how loved our girl is and how grateful we are for everyone, how over wheleming and over stimulating our christmas dinners were with everyone. I was exhusted and grateful the holidays came to an end.
January 2023
New years was definetly differnt this year, I mean we had a baby. We didnt stay out till midnight, more like 10:30. A couple of friends were driving past our house so they pulled in and hungout till midnight. Our girl didnt want to miss all the action so she was up and didnt go to bed and was screaming from being so over tired, so at 12:01 her and I snuck off to bed. The rest of January flew by not much leaving the house besides appointments, I found out this month that my collar bone breaks have healed, it doesnt need surgery but its not a pretty heal job, google collar bone butterfly break, that'll give you an idea how it healed. My range of motion is getting better daily and the pain is pretty much gone. We had visitors often between my parents, my grandparents, my husbands parents, and all my cousins. All the vists made it a little easier to get by day by day. Seeing how happy and healthy our baby girl was gave me motivation to be the best that I can be. My birthday came and went, I felt like it wasnt as important because we had bigger things going on and we should be celebrating our girl doing so well. My husband came home from night shift at 5:30 in the morning, We were up because that was feeding time. He walked into the house with a big box that hes been holding onto for weeks, I opened it and it was the best present. He got me what ive been talking about for years, he got me a baseball bat. I didnt want it for baseball, I wanted it for protection while hes away on night shift. I was excited about it that we actually ended up playing baseball with a tennis ball in the house at 6am, It was hilarious and so much fun. Clearly my aim was still good since the accident because I managed to hit the ball a few times. OH and I managed to french braid my hair for the very first time since the accident- the little wins are big wins.
February 2023
My collarbone is healed, my back has healed but there is a lot of soft tissue damage but is healing slowly. So that leaves my brain bleeds. This month is a big month, I had a neurology appointment in Kelowna to check in, long story short. Im doing really good, better then I should be, but theres still a TON of work that needs to be done to get me back to a newer version of myself. Basically he told me I have to take it easy for a year, no driving, no flying, no alcohol. I need togo for a brain MRI aswell because some of the symptoms im experiancing I shouldnt be. I get thunderclap headaches after going for walks,and my forhead prickles when I think really hard. Not normal. He thinks I might still have blood residue that hasnt been absorbed yet. My balance is compleatly off, going up and down stairs is an event. I have aquired ADHD symptoms, my left hand is not in synch with the right, and is overall just slow, I still get over stimulsted to the point if I go out for a few hours, I have to take a nap when we get home, and im a write off for 3 days until I get caught up on sleep. Ive got no filter anymore, and it takes a while for me to find the words im gunna say. The list goes on. This week I start occupational therapy, thats going to allow me to start working on my cognitive functions, my balance, my vision, and my strength. We had our initial appointment last week, my left hand is no where near where it was before the accident. She asked me to put pegs in a crib board type thing, I got 18 with my right hand and 10 with my left. Its slow and kept missing the holes. I started getting frusterated because I feel like it just slows me down and gets in the way. Our girl has been so good through all of this, I feel like she knows her mama needs sleep so shes pretty well sleeeping through the night, takes naps and lets me nap during the day and only cries when shes got a pissy diaper or is hungy or of course, gassy.
I guess the biggest thing im trying to get across here is: Please dont judge a book by its cover. Everyone has got a story, and just because someone looks physically fine Doesnt mean they are. So just be gentle to eachother. Thanks for reading! I'll keep updating as often as I can. Much love -Em
You are doing an incredible job, all things considered ❤️