Just things…

Life’s been a bit on the slow going end over here for us, other then the fact that I’m now chasing Av around the house because she’s crawling around so fast. She’s just a ball of energy and SO busy. She’s been pulling herself up to standing and holding on to the couch and then trying to crawl onto the couch.. so that’s coming. And as she’s cruising around she says up, she’s also learnt how to say baba but it’s more like bababa it’s cute and so funny. She’s had a few good wipe outs though and my heart hurts when she does.. but I guess any moms would. Now that she’s getting bigger and more busy, it’s using more of my energy and I’ve been napping a lot more. It seems that with her being a ball of energy she mentally tires me out a lot faster.. I’m honestly so scared. She’s growing SO fast and my brain healing is still going on. So the more burnt out I get, the more of an irritated, tired over stimulated snap show I get to be. So I’m concerned for myself

On the flip side of the coin, I haven’t been at physio in what feels like months but it’s only been a few weeks. Let me tell you though, my body feels like it’s been hit by a truck. So I guess that means it was working LOL. I went and had an eye exam too the other day, I was curious as to what they could say about my peripheral vision. Av also scratched it about a month ago and it’s still bugging me so I thought I would get that looked at too. It was all pretty positive, but she did tell me too that my eyes are “hyper focusing” and that’s due to the head injury. If I wanted to help it get better faster, I can do vision therapy. The first sessions in kelowna and then Selkirk Eye Care can continue doing the rest of the treatments, if I choose not to it’ll heal on it’s own anyway! The treatments costly and not covered by insurance is the only thing. They do want me to come back to test my peripheral vision and do some other tests. It’s called a neurological vision screen, I’m not 1000% sure what it’s about just yet. I just know they can test the peripheral to see how bad it actually is, so I have my homework to do before this to see what it’s about!

Other than all of that, July 25th is creeping up faster and faster and that’s a special day. This will be our 1 year anniversary from the day of the accident, some people consider it their second birthday because after a head injury you’re not the same person you were before hand. They consider themselves reborn again... The old version of you dies and basically you're a newer different version of yourself. I guess I can kind of understand but at the same time it’s kind of sad to think like that, and why would you want to celebrate that horriffic, terrifying, awful day? The only reason I would want to celebrate it is that Av and I survived, and we’re thriving. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I guess this was the universe telling me that Av needs me at home full time for a while? I just wish the universe was a tad nicer about sending me that message but whatever, it’s done and we’re dealing with it day by day! As it gets closer though I’m starting to get flash backs of being in kelowna, some of the smells and my whacky roommates I had. I remember vaguely the time my parents wheeled me outside to the courtyard, it was so bright and sunny. At that point the light hurt my eyes so I rocked sun glasses anytime I left my room but it was so worth it to smell the outdoors. I even remember touching grass and bawling my eyes out because never did I think I’d be able to feel grass ever again. I even find myself giggling at the fact that I was so immobile that they had to crane me from my bed to a stretcher for cat scans and ultrasounds, the one time they craned me up and the strap on the left side disconnected and I dropped and crunched my broken collar bone against one of the straps. And the nurse being like “ haha oh that’s never happened before”. The nurses were all so nice and amazing up on the 4th floor, yes even the one that almost dropped me. I remember the feeling of nervousness being wheeled down to the basement to rehab the day I was released from the 4th floor and thinking to myself “ew it smells old down here” and feeling claustrophobic because the hallways were so small. I remember the brutally slow and loud wheel chair elevator to take you up 4 steps. And it was so loud and so scary I thought it was going to break down, so I made it my goal to walk the stairs because I didn’t want to ride in that contraption anymore. Sure I had to relearn to walk the stairs, But the day I did it was so excited. Everyday I would take myself and my wheel chair and pushed it as I walked, like a walker I guess. I was so excited when I made it to the doors to get to the steps to practice. Then I remember graduating from that to the cane and going outside and walking the curb for the first time, I was in slippers which made it funny. Then I remember the first time I looked at myself in the mirror since the accident, it was the first day in rehab, which would have been the last week in kelowna. I remember thinking “holy shit look at your belly, we’re huge” Anyway, there’s so much stuff that’s been going through my head lately and at the end of the day, I would do it all over again to be able to be right where I am today. So so much closer with my family and my husband, I have the worlds best and happiest baby, we have the cutest most well behaved puppy and I get to be at home with my mini bestie. I am so so so grateful and lucky to be able to spend this much time with her. Sure most days I hurt 24/7 and struggle to hold my baby comfortably, or even breathe because the pain I feel in my upper back is brutal. But I wouldn’t change it for the world ❤️

I also read somewhere that TBI = Tremendously Brave Individual, and that’s stuck with me so I thought I’d share that with you guys ❤️