Not all heroes wear capes.

Well the suns out, and with that the tears have been flowing. Ive been finding it REALLY hard to cope with our situation the last few days..Back in the driving days, the nice weather would bring on daily drives, with the windows down, good vibes, tunes cranked, and soakin up that vitamin D. This year is a bit different, what I had pictured was that I would be able todo this with my baby. Which I probably would have but considering where we are now, daily walks and sitting out in the driveway, soakin' in as much vit D as I can while my husband is out doing erands is the new norm. I think the closest i'll get to driving this summer will be the tractor around the yard... And thats if I dont get burnt out doing that.

On a little less depressing but still somewhat depressing note, I did a vision test to see if/what/ and how many descrepincies there are with my eyes. I guess when you get a good bonk to the head, your eye muscles stretch and loosen just enough to have some issues. I have 2, my right eye's upper peripheral vision seems to be limited, my eyeball feels like its straining to see. The second one is my left eyeball, when I focus on a pencil and make my eyeballs converge, my left eye shakes a bit, gets lost for a hot second and then continues to converge. Its so weird, even weirder because my vision doesent change with that. I had no idea it was happening until my physiotherapist pointed it out.

The mom side of things has been pretty great though, our daughter has been such a great baby, sleeping 9,10,11 hour nights. She's up for longer intervals though which has been kind of hard on me, I cant nap as often and as long as we did a few weeks ago. She used to nap 4x a day for 40 minutes-1 hour, now shes napping 2x-3x a day. The only way to get her to fall asleep is to walk or go for a drive. The walking part isnt bad, it gets us out but momma gets tired after so many walks in a day! Shes now 15 pounds of cuteness, which is great but also getting hard on my body. My shoulder is still in alot of pain and so is my back, but I have to suck it up and just make do with what we got. My husband is on stress leave so hes been SUPER helpful, I have no idea what I would do without his help. I applaud him for being the super dad that he is, he is going through so much mentally. Living with someone with a TBI and watching me struggle with the daily household tasks, my rollar coaster of emotions all day everyday, being a hands on dad, being a cat & dog dad, all while processing his own shit on top of that really cant be easy. He is a super dad, a super husband, and just down right the most giving and caring person. I am so fortunate to have him in my corner. My mom has also been a HUGE support in our lives, we lean on her ALOT. Late night phone calls, visits, babysits, lots of tears, even a late night sleep over to help when we were too tired to help our gassy cranky screaming baby. Shes the one I would, and still do call for everything. Im on the phone or facetime with her at least 30 times a day with questions. How much to feed our baby and of what, what todo if our babies doing this, how to train the dog, how to make rice, and how long to defrost bread in the microwave for. Shes always on top of it, and always has the answer for everything that I need. Having her live so close been a game changer, shes made this experiance alot eaiser on me and my husband. And of course she the worlds best baba. Our daughter is so lucky and so fortunate to be so close to her, She loves baba so much. We love her so much. I aspire to be everything my mom is, shes set the bar so high. She has been through so much but still looks at life with such positivity, you would never know when something is wrong. There are not near enough any words or anything I can do to tell them both thank you for everything, I will forever be trying to show them how thankful and grateful I am for them. My people are my whole world, My best friends. So THANK YOU both, I love you.

Life lesson: Do not take family for granted, they are your rocks. They make this wild ride of a life a lot easier to deal with and they know how to make it a hell of a lot more fun.